Mark "Porky" Graham                                                          Back to Tour List             Home Page


A gentle giant who hits the ball miles and looks to be a much better player than he actually is. 



Hits the ball massive distances and should score really low but Porky will lose concentration easily and fritter unbelievable amounts of shots away.  Usually brilliant at pop quizzes and would win but always fails to grasp the rules.


In 2008 was promoted to be "Official Tour Rubbish Checker


He gets highly ambivalent about a bad score and usually fails to finish the job on a good one as he is already thinking about the bread rolls he will be eating later.


The picture shows Mark relaxing at Freslonnierre after shooting a casual 26 points. He recently had a new grip fitted on his ball retriever. Sometimes smells of fish and never wears a kilt.



Tour Wins

Won his first tour in 2004 and suffered the agony of losing the 2005 tour on a better back 6.

Hall of Shame: One, but a close shave in 2009 was followed by last place in 2010..


Star Sign: Baguette

Distinguishing Marks

Can be heard wandering along a golf course muttering to himself "Ho hum, It's nice here isn't it, ho hum, is it the big dog on this one? Ooh er swish swish, bash, ooh where's that gone? There will be some bread later won't there? It's nice here isn't it?....."

Bad Habits

Can consume enough bread at one sitting to feed a small Tibetan village

Redeeming Features

Probably the "nicest" bloke on tour. An all round nice bloke loved by everyone. Porky always looks for your ball, always carries your bags, puts the flag back, repairs your pitch marks and always changes your flat tyre and checks the rubbish before we leave anywhere. Doesn't know anything about classical music but thought for a short time that we all did. A classical Gritters moment with the fake Classical Music quiz had Porky in the net.


"Il serait possible d'avoir encore plus de pain"

Contents of Golf Bag

A driver that resembles a grand piano on the end of a broom stick, a set of irons covered in dents and a spare cheese and ham baguette.