Darrell Fone                                                                                           Back to Tour List                        Home page 

Darrel is generally quite the gentle silent type, although the intake of red wine changes this situation according to the following formula. Students of mathematics will note that this is a function of a function and that as both G and T increase over time and N increases towards infinity then the propensity of the integral of dG over dT to disregard the quantities of both B and W will tend to increase the volume of S towards quite a lot.


Very nearly unable to play at all having broken his big toe on Thursday..............

Our intrepid hero Darrell turned up for the 36 hole Edgbaston Invitation and used this machine to get around the course.

The tournament is 18 holes 2 ball medal, followed by 18 holes Foursome medal.

Stuffed full of pain killers and bacon sandwiches, Winnie and Darrell were even par for 36 holes and won the tournament by one shot.

We think he should use this all the time.


To see Darrell's swing in slow motion, click onto the formula chart below



The formula above is derived using the symbols below:

g       =  the number of other golfers present

t        =  time elapsed since first drink

b       =  the amount of bread eaten

w      =  the volume of water drunk

%a    =  the percentage proof of the red wine

R(w) =  the volume of red wine consumed

n       =  number of post dinner brandies

(g.t)   =  number of pre dinner gin and tonics

S       =  the amount of sick on the carpet


Data gathered from the Splinter Group Breakaway Scotland trip in 1995 resulted in the chart shown opposite:





Tour Wins


Hall of Shame


Form and Outlook

The swing tends to be  a little on the flat side but then again that does generate a fair amount of distance. When it gets too flat Darrell hits an intermittent rapid snap hook. This has been the undoing of many a good round. Should Darrell happen to be playing particularly well one day, it is always good to encourage him with a remark such as "I say Darrell, you're playing particularly well today, no sign of the snap hook at all".

Shot an amazing 26 point front nine at the Sultan.

  For Darrell, the glass is always half full, and he was expected to finish halfway. If he cuts out the 27 pointer, he could win

Napster Forecast:

Should show well for the first few rounds but the new courses and the late nights may prove to much in the end. Napster predicts a top half finish, maybe even top three.


Fallen order (shouldn't that be fallen over?)

Star Sign

Tufted Wilton

Bad Habits

Once owned a Fiat.

Redeeming Features

Turns up, pays his whack, joins in


Don't worry, I'll pay for the carpet.

Contents of Golf Bag

Slippers, car rug, thermos flask and good book ready for an early night