Darrel is generally quite the gentle silent type, although the intake of red wine changes this situation according to the following formula. Students of mathematics will note that this is a function of a function and that as both G and T increase over time and N increases towards infinity then the propensity of the integral of dG over dT to disregard the quantities of both B and W will tend to increase the volume of S towards quite a lot.
FOR TOP TIP No.47 CLICK ONTO DARRELL'S PICTURE >>>>>>
Very nearly unable to play at all having broken his big toe on Thursday..............Our intrepid hero Darrell turned up for the 36 hole Edgbaston Invitation and used this machine to get around the course.
The tournament is 18 holes 2 ball medal, followed by 18 holes Foursome medal.
Stuffed full of pain killers and bacon sandwiches, Winnie and Darrell were even par for 36 holes and won the tournament by one shot.
We think he should use this all the time.
To see Darrell's swing in slow motion, click onto the formula chart below
The formula above is derived using the symbols below:
g = the number of other golfers present
t = time elapsed since first drink
b = the amount of bread eaten
w = the volume of water drunk
%a = the percentage proof of the red wine
R(w) = the volume of red wine consumed
n = number of post dinner brandies
(g.t) = number of pre dinner gin and tonics
S = the amount of sick on the carpet
Data gathered from the Splinter Group Breakaway Scotland trip in 1995 resulted in the chart shown opposite:
Handicap
10
Tour Wins
None
Hall of Shame
None
Form and Outlook
The swing tends to be a little on the flat side but then again that does generate a fair amount of distance. When it gets too flat Darrell hits an intermittent rapid snap hook. This has been the undoing of many a good round. Should Darrell happen to be playing particularly well one day, it is always good to encourage him with a remark such as "I say Darrell, you're playing particularly well today, no sign of the snap hook at all".
Shot an amazing 26 point front nine at the Sultan.
Napster Forecast:
Should show well for the first few rounds but the new courses and the late nights may prove to much in the end. Napster predicts a top half finish, maybe even top three.
Anagram
Fallen order (shouldn't that be fallen over?)
Star Sign
Tufted Wilton
Bad Habits
Once owned a Fiat.
Redeeming Features
Turns up, pays his whack, joins in
Catchphrase
Don't worry, I'll pay for the carpet.
Contents of Golf Bag
Slippers, car rug, thermos flask and good book ready for an early night