Ian "Clarkie" Clarke      Back to Tour List          Home Page


Ian Clarke is a really nice man, very talented and yet somehow quite humble. A golfer of great ability, an excellent piano player, a writer of novels, literary pundit, a teacher, raconteur and the competitions organiser.

It should be noted that Ian is perhaps one of most charismatic and utterly brilliant though at the same time extremely modest and self effacing of men and (coincidentally) the author of this web site.


Ian has written several seminal golf related works including

"How to line up your fourth putt" and the important and popular sequel

"How to get more distance from a shank".


Clarkie can play all the shots required in the game but unfortunately not all at the same time. A model of inconsistency, some days drives well but can't putt, some days vice versa. Has swing problems with a flying right elbow, a stiff neck, torn shoulder tendons and a collapsing left knee as the video above clearly shows. Has a tendency still to live life like he's in a film with a happy ending and is invariably disappointed.

(who writes this rubbish?)


Tour Wins

Amazingly for one so talented yet so humble, just the one. Ten years ago now back in 1997.

Hall of Shame     One. 2003


Form and Outlook

Driving and long iron play must improve dramatically to match the standard of the chipping and putting. If they do then we have a top place contender. If they don't then a place in the bottom three will surely result. A recent torn tendon in the left shoulder, a sore neck, aching back and a tendency to moan a lot could prove to be the downfall. A new set of fitted to match Ping I 10 irons and 22 degree rescue club were recently added to the bag but they made no difference. May need to be off 6 or 7 (or even 8) handicap to succeed in the dream of a second eclectic.

Napster Forecast:   Second or last

Star Sign Sometimes a Gemini, sometimes not

Distinguishing Marks

Usually obvious when someone else has got him ready as the clothes all match. Clarkie is not allowed into a clothes shop on his own as the purchase of a pink jumper with flowers on will surely result.

Bad Habits                     If left alone for too long will get him self dressed and fail to heed the style advice.

Catchphrase                     "Vous ne savez pas bon une course qui était"

Contents of Golf Bag      "It's easy to play, Mary Poppins song book"