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Here at the Gritters we are big fans of poetry, examples of our work can be found below

See Gritters Singing and the 2008 video of More Gritters Singing

Click here to see original version The Shanking song

The Shanking song.      (Tune: very loosely based on the chords of "To make you feel my love" by Adele)

 

G                                                D                   F                                       C

I did not think that I would care at all, exactly where I hit my ProV ball

  Cm                                  G                              A9        C/D           G

Long and Straight and standing tall,      I never shanked at all

 

G                                      D                           F                                                C

I think its better on a little par three, I am that good, this hole is made for me

          Cm                   G                                     A9                   C/D      G

My friends all just laugh with glee, I have shanked the ball again

 

C                                                     G                             C                                     G

The last time I saw it, it was lying quite well, Just a chip and an easy par

C                                          G/B                         A9                            D

But to my surprise it disappeared, and it had not gone very far

 

G                                         D                                       F                                     C

I swing through it with all my might, but the fucking thing just shoots to the right

Cm                                              G                        A9                C/D      G

I might as well turn up and play at night, I shanked the ball again

 

C                                       G                        C                                    G

I know I havenít hit a par three yet, and its always on my mind

C                                            G/B                                    A9                              D

It flies straight right and into the trees, and its sometimes hard to find

 

G                                                             D                                F                          C

My friends they look at me, they donít know why, I hit it hard, but just to the right

Cm                                                          G                       A9                   C/D     G

The trouble with a shank is that it will not bite, I shanked the ball again

 

C                                              G                       C                                      G

Iíve tried everything to put this right, I donít know what I do wrong

C                                                    G/B                        A9                                            D

I thought my friends would sympathise, but instead, they wrote this fucking song

 

G                                                     D                             F                                     C

And so another shot from behind some bins, I need help, I am ashamed of this

Cm                                          G                               A9         C/D    G

My caring friends simply take the piss as I shank the ball again

 

 

 

Haiku Poetry

For those of you who are not familiar with Haiku, it is a Japanese poetic art form but with some very strict rules about construction.

The construction rules for Haiku are

1. Each poem has only 17 syllables;

2. There must be 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, 5 in the third.

Note: many claim that this is a firm rule and that the poems themselves are better when this form is adhered to as it forces a construction from the poet but this strictness is not in fact supported by history or translations from Japanese poems.

3. Haiku poems are traditionally used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity. There is often a component within a poem often referred to as a "break" or "cutting word". This usually appears towards the end of the second line and is intended to provide a shift in the readers perspective.

see www.haikuhut.com for more information

Examples of Gritters Haiku appear below:

Here at the Gritters,

we open doors to new friends,

now our cat is gone.

 

Your drive was so big.

It might be very useful.

But the ball is gone.

 

Yesterday it worked.

Today it is not working.

Putters are like that.

 

Stay the patient course.

Your ball is gone forever.

Your ire has no worth.

 

You are four feet short.

You put aside bad thoughts.

You three stab again.

 

Voice of reason speaks.

Lets have one more beer in here.

You have more beer here.

 

Playing the short third,

eyes meet heads nod walk to hedge,

both take a long piss.

 

I can eat five mars.

We bet you can't eat five mars.

You cough up your cash.

 

Drive the wrong way home.

I know the way back from here.

Sleep in someone's bath.

 

Hit a huge long drive

Try to hit the wedge quite close

Shank, shank, shank, bollocks

 

Stand with wedge on tee

Take fine aim at the tight pin

Shank shank shank, bollocks

 

Wait for friends in bar

They all go for a kebab

Lots of shit since then

Please send in your Haiku poems and we will publish them.

==========================================================

The Ballad of Short Stuff.

(Sung to the tune of the McCartney classic "Yesterday")

Yesterday, all my underwear was clean and grey,

Now it looks like they are old and stained,

Oh I believe in yesterday.

 

Suddenly, my breakfast and my lunch went right through me

I followed through, a smell surrounded  me

How I need a lavatory

 

Why, I, had to go, I don't know

I strained my bowels

I, have, made a pong,

Now I long, for paper towels

 

Scrambled eggs, bacon, mushrooms and a large baguette

That extra sausage I do now regret

That was a time that I can't forget.

 

Why, I, had to go, I don't know,

Too much food and beer.

I've done, something wrong,

Bet the bush does well next year.....

 

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be

All that food has fallen out of me

And all my pals just laughed with glee.

I believe in yesterday, I followed through at Val Andre

 

 

Limericks - inspired by ISIHAC, making up limericks in the bar.

here are some examples:

There once was a Gritter called Tippy

Who found the steps in the harbour quite slippy

He fell into the brine, Cos he'd had too much wine

And emerged none the worse but quite drippy

 

There was once a Gritter called Cash

Who enjoyed being out on the lash

He prefers first to dine, With expensive red wine

And then go home to his cheap Turkish Hash.

 

The Gritter known best as Short Stuff

Put his drive in some very long rough

"You bastards", he cried, When his free drop was denied

So instead he f***ed off in a huff

and..........

There once was a Gritter called Shorts

Who loved singing and wines of all sorts

He enjoys his fast cars, and speed eating 6 Mars

And his scorecard is covered in noughts 

Now... You too can enter the Gritters Challenge: 

The first line of a limerick appears below. You finish it and we will publish the best.

There once was a Gritter called Cock.............

With a dislexic girlfriend called Jock

he said pretty please

and she went down on her knees

and then she cooked his sock

 

Gritters Recommended reading.......

Five Go For a Kebab

Little Kebab house on the Prairie

Uncle Tom's Kebab cabin

The Old Curiosity Kebab Shop

A tale of two kebabs

Kebabs are not the only fruit